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My Boyfriend Eats Too Much Fast Food

My boyfriend eats too much fast food and I’m sick of it.

My Boyfriend Eats Too Much Fast Food…

Today’s question is a very common issue that many people go through when they get into a new relationship.

Question:

Recently I started dating a guy who really loves going out to eat. And as much as I enjoy spending time with him, I’m sick of of the fast food and unhealthy dinners. My boyfriend eats too much fast food and it makes me  feel as though I’m losing control of what I worked so hard to achieve. Its not just the fear of gaining weight or losing control, I just feel unhealthy in myself with this change in diet. I wanna spend time with him but how do I avoid the dinner thing when its always an unplanned event. Also he doesn’t mind this kind of diet, it works for him. But it doesn’t work for me. I don’t want it to be an issue in our relationship and I definitely don’t want to start resenting him because of it. What do I do?

Mary in Missouri

My answer: 

Hi Mary, 

This is not an uncommon situation. We often tend to do this thing in relationships where we “fuse” with our significant other. As this continues we start to lose our individuality and forget who we are and what choices we actually have. We begin to feel stuck, which then often leads to depression and resentment. It’s important that you remember that you are two individuals with individual separate needs. Let him do what he wants to do but state your own needs as well. For instance “oh your going to grab fast food? That’s fine, I have food at home that I’d rather eat.” And if he questions you on it, just explain to him the way you prefer to eat. Let him know that your preferences have nothing to do with him and you’re not forcing him or even asking him to change his habits or behaviors, and that you too have your own habits and behaviors that make you feel like yourself.  Individuation (being your own person and not just part of a couple) is so important in a relationship in order for you to feel solid, grounded and close to yourself. This is how you stay whole and complete and true to yourself, which always feels better. 

What do you think? Is this something that you can do? 

Related: When Food Is the Third Person In Your Relationship

 Do you have a question about binge eating, bulimia, anorexia, or anything associated with eating? Send an email to leora at bingeeatingtherapy  dot com. All questions will be kept confidential. Include your first name or the name you want to be referred to as and your location. Are you interested in online therapy or coaching to deal with your eating disorder? Please contact me to discuss getting started, or if you don’t want to meet individually and would prefer to follow a self-guided recover plan, check out Recover From Binge Eating. 

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