Q & A Fridays

Q & A Friday- How Do I Stop My Urge To Binge Eat?

The Urge To Binge Is Making Me Crazy


Today’s Q&A Friday is from Jessica in Memphis!!! 

Dear Leora, 
I’m so overwhelmed by my urges to binge. How can I stop them?

*The urge to binge eat doesn’t have to dictate your behaviors. 


Hi Jessica, 

That’s a really good question. In recovery, we don’t really “stop” urges, learn how to react differently to them. In addiction, when you have an urge or a craving, you believe that you have to act on that urge or craving. However, when you learn to recover, you learn that the urge is just an urge and that you don’t have to follow it down the rabbit hole. Urges are nothing to be afraid of or to be worried about, everyone has them. The difference between someone who is compulsive and someone who is not though, is whether or not they choose to act on all of their urges. When an urge comes up, it feels like there is no choice,  but there actually is.  

The very first thing to do is to look at your urge to binge and ask yourself, “am I actually hungry?” If you are, then ask your body “and what is it that we need to give you to nurture you?”  If you’re not hungry, you can remember, “okay this is an urge, I don’t have to let the urge lead me, I can choose to use the wisdom of my intact adult brain.” This meditation can help you with that too. 

As you begin to react to your urges in  a way that feels appropriate, you don’t have to be afraid of them. As you become less afraid of them, they will have less of a charge.  Once the urges are less charged, you will begin to notice them less and then they will begin to fade.  

*You get to choose your own reactions to your feelings.

Do you have a question about binge eating, bulimia, anorexia, or anything associated with eating? Send an email to leora at bingeeatingtherapy  dot com. All questions will be kept confidential. Include your first name or the name you want to be referred to as and your location. Are you interested in individual therapy or online coaching sessions  to deal with your binge eating? Please contact me to discuss getting started.

Q & A Friday – Help My Boyfriend Eats Too Much Fast Food

My Boyfriend Eats Too Much Fast Food

My boyfriend eats too much fast food and I’m sick of it.

My Boyfriend Eats Too Much Fast Food…

Today’s question is a very common issue that many people go through when they get into a new relationship.


Recently I started dating a guy who really loves going out to eat. And as much as I enjoy spending time with him, I’m sick of of the fast food and unhealthy dinners. My boyfriend eats too much fast food and it makes me  feel as though I’m losing control of what I worked so hard to achieve. Its not just the fear of gaining weight or losing control, I just feel unhealthy in myself with this change in diet. I wanna spend time with him but how do I avoid the dinner thing when its always an unplanned event. Also he doesn’t mind this kind of diet, it works for him. But it doesn’t work for me. I don’t want it to be an issue in our relationship and I definitely don’t want to start resenting him because of it. What do I do?

Mary in Missouri

My answer: 

Hi Mary, 

This is not an uncommon situation. We often tend to do this thing in relationships where we “fuse” with our significant other. As this continues we start to lose our individuality and forget who we are and what choices we actually have. We begin to feel stuck, which then often leads to depression and resentment. It’s important that you remember that you are two individuals with individual separate needs. Let him do what he wants to do but state your own needs as well. For instance “oh your going to grab fast food? That’s fine, I have food at home that I’d rather eat.” And if he questions you on it, just explain to him the way you prefer to eat. Let him know that your preferences have nothing to do with him and you’re not forcing him or even asking him to change his habits or behaviors, and that you too have your own habits and behaviors that make you feel like yourself.  Individuation (being your own person and not just part of a couple) is so important in a relationship in order for you to feel solid, grounded and close to yourself. This is how you stay whole and complete and true to yourself, which always feels better. 

What do you think? Is this something that you can do? 

Related: When Food Is the Third Person In Your Relationship

 Do you have a question about binge eating, bulimia, anorexia, or anything associated with eating? Send an email to leora at bingeeatingtherapy  dot com. All questions will be kept confidential. Include your first name or the name you want to be referred to as and your location. Are you interested in online therapy or coaching to deal with your eating disorder? Please contact me to discuss getting started, or if you don’t want to meet individually and would prefer to follow a self-guided recover plan, check out Recover From Binge Eating. 

Q & A Friday- Is Paleo the Best Diet for Weight Loss?

Is Paleo The Best Diet For Weight Loss?

Is Paleo The Best Diet For Weight Loss?


Is Paleo the Best Diet for Weight Loss?

Dear Leora, 
I’ve been in therapy for the past two months and my therapist sent me to a nutritionist to deal with my binge eating disorder. The nutritionist told me that the Paleo way of eating is the best diet for weight loss, for beating cravings and for having overall health.  I’m curious what you think about that. Is Paleo the best diet for weight loss? I’m torn. – Alicia in New York

Hi Alicia, 

If you’ve been following me for a while, you will know that I take a non-diet approach to healing from binge eating disorder. I do have a lot of thoughts about your nutritionist’s advice because I think it was both well-meaning and there is some wisdom in the approach, but I want to dissect it a little bit so that you can get the most out of your healing journey.  

The Paleo doctrine (yes, I call it a doctrine because some people treat Paleo like Tom Cruise treats Scientology) says that you should eat like a caveman. But let’s think about that. How did cavemen (and women) eat?  Well, they went out, they looked for food, and let’s say they came upon a lion carcass- they ate and ate and ate until they couldn’t eat anymore. Basically they binged. They went days without eating and then when they found food they ate as much as they possibly could since they likely wouldn’t have food later.  Now let’s think about that for a moment. Our bodies were biologically predisposed to binge eat because there would be times when we had no access to food at all.  Cavemen had no 1500 calorie per day diets. Your body was designed to eat more some days and less on others. Fortunately, in this day and age, most of us have unlimited access to food– so going days without eating is not a problem. However, because of our biological makeup, we still have the instinct to binge when we come upon food if we’ve not been eating. So that means if you are on a restrictive eating plan (no cheese or bread for instance- like Paleo) and you come upon cheese and bread, your caveman instincts will likely come in, club your willpower over the head and binge on bread and cheese. Will it happen every time? No, certainly not. However you will always find yourself in a fight. Your inner caveman and your willpower will be at odds with each other. Some days one will win, other days the other one will win. It’s not fun to have a constant internal struggle. You’re always fighting with yourself and you’re never finding peace. You will then look at other people who you believe have been “perfect” in their Paleo-ness and wonder to yourself, “why is it that everyone else can stick to Paleo and I can’t?” and you will beat yourself up for not being good enough. I have a secret to tell you. Nobody is perfect in their Paleoness. Or in their any dietness. As a therapist specializing in treating eating disorders, I can tell you this for sure. I have had rockstar yoga teachers come into my office (in San Francisco there are lots of rockstar yoga teachers) and tell me that on the outside they drink green smoothies and eat kale salads and seeds and do yoga all day every day, that they have a huge following, but at night.. they sit home and can’t stop bingeing and purging. I’ve had doctors, naturopaths,  nutritionists… all the same story, “I show everyone how to eat perfectly and I can’t do it myself. I’m a fraud and a failure…”   And they beat themselves up and feel horrible about themselves. And yet, it’s difficult for them to give up their identities, and the one thing that’s had them stuck in their eating disorder for so long, which is the belief that they should stick to one perfect eating plan. 

So, ideally, Paleo type diets seem great, but in practice, most people are not able to stick to them in the way they believe that they should be.  

So what is good about Paleo? Paleo takes a whole foods approach and recommends that you eat food in their purest form. So instead of apple sauce from a jar made with preservatives, eat an apple. Instead of eating high protein, high fiber cereal with milk for breakfast, eat some eggs and fruit. These are great ideas. However people tend to take ideas to the extreme. People like to interpret things to the most literal minutia and then beat themselves up when they cannot stick to it.  For instance, the bible. There are people who reject it completely and people who follow it to the letter. But what if everyone just took the parts of it that made the most sense to them, like “be kind, do unto others, don’t hurt people…” well then we wouldn’t have wars.  Dogma creates war. And when it comes to diets and eating,  it creates wars within you. You believe that you should eat one way and then you attack yourself when you don’t. 

What if you could take the parts of Paleo that did make sense to you and not call it Paleo? There are things that I do like about Paleo. I like that it encourages whole foods and lots of good fats from animal and vegetable sources. I don’t like that it restricts dairy, grains and legumes. I don’t like that if you happen to eat a piece of cheese that you believe you’ve messed up your whole diet and then you figure “whatever, I don’t care…” and you spend the day bingeing or beating yourself up for being a failure.  What if you could eat more whole foods more of the time?  I have also found some kick-ass recipes though Paleo cookbooks. They tend to have hearty, nutritious meal ideas.  

The other diet that we hear about being great for health all the time is the Mediterranean diet. Well that diet has you eating mostly beans and grains and not very much meat at all! The opposite of Paleo.  So really, what’s right?

The best thing to do is find what works for your body. If you find that your skin breaks out in eczema when you eat dairy, then maybe you should avoid dairy. But that doesn’t mean that everyone should avoid dairy. Do you hear what I’m saying? There is no “plan” that is right for you that your body hasn’t told you about. You need to listen to your body and let your body inform what is right. A good nutritionist should be helping you to listen to what your body needs and encouraging you to follow those cues. 

I believe that your nutritionist was very well meaning. But I also think that she likely doesn’t have a lot of experience treating eating disorders. If you ever go to a nutritionist who tries to have you restrict foods (even if you’re not allergic to them) then it’s best to find a nutritionist who specializes in treating eating disorders. I really like the nutritionists over at Be Nourished. They wrote a great article on the paleo diet last month.  I also really like Summer Innanen’s article on What Going Paleo Did to My Body. 

That was probably a very long answer to a short question. But in a word, no, to answer your question, “Is Paleo the best diet for weight loss,” I’m going to have to say that I don’t believe that Paleo is good way to lose weight or to decrease cravings. Yes, you might find that it is effective in the short term (one-three weeks) but in the long term, I know that a strict Paleo “religion” type diet is actually a good way to gain weight and increase cravings.   There is a way to include lots of yummy Paleo recipes and great Paleo ideals without “going Paleo,” and killing yourself to follow the diet to the letter. You can eat more whole foods more of the time, not be afraid of fat and complex carbs and learn some really amazing recipes. But to follow the doctrine as though it’s religion is absolutely not a good idea.  

Check out Dr. Janet Tomayama from UCLA who talks about diets and weight loss. 

I really hope that this helped to answer your question: Is Paleo the best diet for weight loss? Please don’t hesitate to write back and let me know what you think. 



Do you have a question about binge eating, bulimia, anorexia, or anything associated with eating? Send an email to bingeeatingtherapy  at gmail dot com. All questions will be kept confidential. Include your first name or the name you want to be referred to as and your location. Are you interested in online therapy or coaching to deal with your eating disorder? Please contact me to discuss getting started, or if you don’t want to meet individually and would prefer to follow a self-guided recover plan, check out Recover From Binge Eating. 

Q & A Friday- I binge eat and sneak eat to rebel

Q & A Friday- My Inner Rebel Doesn't Want to Stop Binge Eating


Dear Leora,
I’m starting to identify that I use binging to rebel. I get a high from being sneaky and saying a big F-you to my mom, my husband, anyone who ever commented on my weight, etc. I’m doing what I want when I want with no one’s rules when I binge. I’m sure it comes back to my mom “catching” me eating her Snackwells cookies or crackers or ? … then my finding every opportunity to sneak food that she wouldn’t know about. My adult mind knows it’s ridiculous. I’m not “getting one over” on anyone by sneak binging now. But are there substitutes to get that feeling of doing something only I can do and decide? Most times I have the house to myself, I secretly “plan” a binge.
I also find that I’m struggling with the sneaking thing and find its just habit that I sneak good when I’m alone…even if I don’t crave it, it’s what I’ve always done. 
What’s up with that? Any insight would be appreciated! 
My Answer: 
This is such a good question and one that I think about A LOT.  You are NOT alone. I hear this a lot.  Many of my clients deeply feel that rebellious kick inside them  when they begin to heal. They become angry at at me for not corroborating with their eating disorder mind, but for supporting their healthy mind.
Logically makes no sense, right? They are paying me and coming in to my office weekly for therapy, yet they are angry at me. But why? Why would someone want so badly to stop bingeing and then be angry at me when I work to help them stop?  
There are a few different things going on here.
The first is that ED, the voice of the eating disorder begins to get really loud when your wise self comes in for help.  ED mind and Wise mind start to fight. That rebel is part of ED. It doesn’t want to go away and it will fight. 
The other part of this is that the behaviors are not logical because they are not coming from your intact adult self. They are coming from a very young place. Although realistically you know that it doesn’t make sense, your inner child believes that  someone is trying to take your best friend away. Something that has brought you joy and comfort for so long. Bingeing is your security blanket, it’s your favorite and  best coping mechanism.  So of course you are going to fight against that. It make sense.  Our coping mechanisms do something for us that is very important, they soothe us.  So when you believe somewhere that someone is stealing your coping mechanism, you get angry and try to go behind their back to get what you are being denied.  I think it’s likely very old, but also new in a sense. Is there anything that you’re being denied right now that you feel like you have to steal or sneak to get? (sleep? money? time to do things? affection? sex? etc…)  When you can’t get what you need, food is the easiest way to soothe. 
Sneak eating also is a lot about both habit and shame. It’s a habit that you’ve formed, where you know that the moment you are alone, you are supposed to get in what you can. So just being alone can be a trigger. Even if you are alone for moments, like bringing a pan of leftover food from the dining room table into the kitchen. With typical sneak eating, that 5 seconds alone in the kitchen can be you bingeing on leftovers that you weren’t even hungry for because the habit of eating when you are alone is so ingrained. That comes from being told that you were wrong or bad to eat. It makes you feel shame and then the shame builds on itself. So you feel ashamed for eating, your habit of sneak eating kicks in and then you feel ashamed of yourself for sneaking and then you eat more to deal with the shame. 
So how to help with that.
There is only one antidote for shame and that is acceptance. 
Bring in your adult intact self to talk to your rebel in the kindest and most loving way and remind her that she is safe and she has choice and she can do whatever she wants, but what does she really think would be the best choice for her? And when you come from a kind and loving place, your rebel little girl and even ED (who is ultimately their to protect you) will both realize that you no longer need them, that you have an adult caring self who will protect you and keep you safe. Make sense?  
The other part of this is to tell people around you that you trust that you have been sneak eating, that it’s an old habit, that it has nothing to do with them, but that because of that, you are choosing to air out this secret so it can no longer mess with you. Once the secret is out, you can ask for support. Like not being alone in the kitchen at night. Or whenever you find that you are being triggered to binge eat. Don’t be afraid to ask for support as much as you need. 

I hope that this response was helpful for you. Do you have a question about binge eating, bulimia, anorexia, or anything associated with eating? Send an email to bingeeatingtherapy  at gmail dot com. All questions will be kept confidential. Include your first name or the name you want to be referred to as and your location. Are you interested in online therapy or coaching to deal with your eating disorder? Please contact me to discuss getting started. 

Q & A Friday – I’m Afraid to Eat Fat

How Eating Fat Helps Cure Binge EatingQuestion: Hi Leora!

I got the 100 days of real food cookbooks, and notice that they say to eat full fat cheese and yogurts and things like that, I know that you say we should eat full fat yogurts and things as well. I know they are better for my body, and I can eat less of then to get full faster, but it’s honestly hard for me to not buy nonfat.  It makes me worried about gaining weight. I know it’s silly, but would love any advice you can give!

Thank you! Elizabeth

Answer: Hi Elizabeth, 

Yes, you are right. There is an underlying message out there that all fat is bad- body fat, fats in food, all of it. There is a belief that eating fat makes you fat– which is not only untrue, it’s also the opposite. When you eat more healthy fat, your body weight actually regulates and comes to its healthy place.  At this point, although many of us know from a nutritional and intellectual standpoint that full-fat products are much better for your body- it’s still difficult to integrate that knowledge to day-to-day eating. Fat certainly keeps you fuller longer and is more satisfying but it also decreases your risk of binge eating, and conversely,  avoiding fat increases your chances of bingeing. So much of healing from binge eating disorder is also about increasing your nutritional profile. This is why: 

–Essential fatty acids found in food supply the nutrients that promote growth of our cell functions but our body cannot make on its own. Thus if we avoid fat, we will either get very ill or our body will involuntarily turn to binge eating to meet these needs. 

–Your brain is made up of fat- the myelin sheath (which insulates your nerve cells) is made up of fat. Because of this, it’s important to continue to supply your brain with fat. This helps to increase concentration and uplift your mood.  Depression and anxiety can often lead to binge eating as it temporarily decreases these mood issues (and then makes them a lot worse). By keeping your brain feeling strong and stable, you have more of a chance of avoiding binges. 

–Fat transports essential fat-soluble vitamins (A, D, E and K) to your cells.  Your body needs these nutrients to keep its functions going. If it doesn’t have fat to deliver them, you will likely binge (whether you want to or not) because your body is looking to heal itself. 

–Fat helps to regulate your hormones which will keep issues like PMS at bay. When you find that your mood swings are fluctuating less, it decreases your chances of binge eating. 

Because of how essential fat is, your body will seek out ways to get it if you avoid it. Now, your main question is “how can I get myself to eat fat?”  You have to flip the message in your brain that “fat is bad.”

Flip Your Thoughts about Fat: When you see full-fat yogurt or olive oil or milk or cheese, I want you to try to think to yourself, “there is something rich and nurturing for my body, I am dousing my body in nutrients when I feed it healthy fats.   You are changing your thoughts about what fat is. Instead of equating fat with an unhealthy body, start to think about how healthy and strong fat makes your body. 

Take it slow:  This doesn’t have to be a fast all or nothing process. You can start slow. For instance you can tell yourself that you will have one bowl of full fat yogurt in the morning once and see how it goes. Then you can make a list of breakfast foods that are full fat and try one each morning. For instance:

  • Toast with peanut butter
  • Eggs with Avocado
  • Full fat yogurt with berries 
  • Macadamia nuts with fruit 
  • Bacon/Avocado rolls
  • Butternut squash with butter or olive oil mashed in (yes squash for breakfast! very yummy)

And then just let yourself sit with it mindfully and see how it makes your body feel. Usually when I do this experiment with clients, I give them a one week challenge of eating a breakfast with fat and protein each morning. Although they are often scared, they tend to feel so nurtured that they notice their urge to binge decreases considerably and they feel grateful for their new appreciation of nourishing fats. 

Start slow. Try it for one breakfast and see how it goes and then let me know! Thank you for the question. 

Q & A Friday- How should I cook and shop to prevent binge eating?

friday-q-a-how-do-i-feed-my-family-healthfully-when-im-in-eating-disorder-recoveryThis question comes to us from Anna in Denver.


Hi Leora,

I was wondering if you could recommend any good cookbooks you use to cook, or websites? Also, does your family and kids eat the same recipes? I would really love to start cooking just Whole Foods, maybe utilizing the Mediterranean diet mentality. I really want to stop tracking my food, but haven’t been able to yet. My hope is that I just fill my diet up with fruits, veggies, healthy fats and protein and I will no longer feel the need to track my food. Any advice? Also, I have thought about going to see a nutritionist for BED, but I’m worried she will just give me a structured meal plan. I have been struggling the last couple of days with overeating, and I just want extra help. What are your thoughts?

My Answer: 

Hi Anna, 

What a great question. 
As far as recipe sites go,  I do really like Whole Foods Markets recipes. http://www.wholefoodsmarket.com/recipe-collections and these recipes from the World’s Healthiest Foods are easy. http://www.whfoods.com/recipestoc.php – however, I rarely use them.  I will admit to you that I am a “lazy” cook. I don’t do a whole lot of recipes or follow cookbooks or recipes. I just don’t have time so I keep it very simple.  For me, easy is the only way to go. I know from the past that if I make eating and cooking too elaborate or try to do it perfectly, I will fail.  I once heard someone say that it’s better to succeed 100% of the time by doing something good than to fail 90% of the time by trying to do things perfectly. I think that’s a good rule of thumb. Make it simple and life will be easier. 
So to answer your question,  my kids eat the same way as we do. Usually breakfast is some eggs and some berries and fruit or (full fat) yogurt with museli, nuts and fruit or oatmeal with raisins, nuts and cinnamon. 
I also cook a lot of yams and winter squashes. I really do nothing to them other than put them in the oven for an hour and then mush them up. Sometimes I’ll add some olive oil and salt, but usually they are delicious and soft as they are. The kids love that too. They go through yams like crazy. 
I keep lots and lots of fruit in my house, mostly berries, pears and apples. The children will eat up to 10 apples a day. Seriously. Their dentist said that apples actually have the benefit of brushing their teeth, so not to worry. 
I will throw chicken tenders in a pan (I get them from Trader Joes’  http://www.traderjoes.com/fearless-flyer/article/2251) and stir them up with some cut up vegetable and beans (garbanzo) throw some salt, olive oil and curry powder in… and bake up a potato with butter or sometimes add cheese or sour cream if I want it. The kids will eat all of that too. They also love rice, so I’ll usually cook up some rice with garbanzo beans, salt and olive oil. 
Once a week we usually eat salmon and that is very simple, I just put it in the oven with butter and salt at 350 for 20 minutes and then sometimes cut up an avocado on top and some salsa and side is a potato or yam and spinach or broccoli. 
The kids sometimes like to snack on crackers with cream cheese (I give them Mary’s crackers), rice cakes, seaweed, string cheese, and lots of apples and carrots and Lara bars. 
 I have to make cooking easy and non-tedious because otherwise it will be a chore and I’ll wind up ordering take-out. I buy most of my vegetables pre-cut, I buy lettuce in bags and meat already cut so I can just throw everything on a pan or in the skillet.  
 But if we are out, the kids will definitely have hamburgers with french fries or pizza or a quesadilla or taco or cake at a birthday party and so will I!  
As they say in A.A. — KISS (keep it simple, sweetheart) and recovery will be smoother. Release perfection and let yourself be simple. 

Friday Q&A – I Can’t Stop Eating at Night

Q & A Friday

Today’s question is a pretty common one: 


Dear Leora,

My problem is that I do awesome all day, I don’t binge at all and I eat three solid meals and I exercise moderately, I’m not restricting, I’m not dieting… none of that.  Night times suck though. I’ve finished eating, I’m not hungry at all, I sit down and put on Netflix and before I know it, I’m at the refrigerator. First it’s a piece of cake or some ice cream or a bowl of cereal, and then I’m up again. I’m up and down about ten times and I can’t stop myself. Before I know it, it’s after 10,  I’m totally full, I’m nauseous and I go to sleep depressed. What am I going to do? Can you help me?

-Karen from New Orleans


Hi Karen,

You are not alone.  This evening eating is definitely a tough one for many people who have binge eating issues. There are a few different ways to go about it. First off, we have to consider what is going on at night.

1. There are some theories that for some people, serotonin dips at night and so they binge eat to help them raise their serotonin levels. Eating high carbohydrate foods increases serotonin levels because it makes tryptophan more readily available which is an amino acid which is a pre-cursor to serotonin. Other ways to naturally increase serotonin levels are to eat tryptophan rich foods– which would be a glass of (full fat) milk, pumpkin seeds, mozzarella cheese or turkey. Here is a list of high tryptophan foods.

Another possibility is to talk to your health care provider about taking a supplement such as 5-HTP or Tryptophan which are both amino acids that are precursors to serotonin. These can help you relax in the evening when you have that anxious need to binge. Definitely check with your doctor before taking these, especially if you are already on an anti-depressant or other medication.

2. Your pattern seems habitual also. In the evenings you have a routine. You have become habituated to bingeing at night to help you get to sleep. So in some sense, you have to let yourself be uncomfortable for a while as you break that habit. Ways to break habits including interrupting your routine. And for that, you need to make a plan and put effort into it. For instance, if you want to start a new habit of going to the gym every morning, it’s much easier to do that if you put your gym clothes out at night and pack your gym bag before you go to sleep. Then in the morning, it’s much easier to follow the breadcrumbs of getting up and going.  So, think about other ways to break up your routine after diner. For instance, instead of sitting on the couch watching Netflix, perhaps you can get into a bath with epsom salts (this is my very favorite thing to do at night) or lay down in your room and read a book. Make sure that’s all set up for you– that’s how you can follow the breadcrumbs– put the epsom salts in the bathroom, put the book on your bed. Or, you can make plans ahead of time to meet someone after dinner or have a phone/Skype date planned. You definitely want to something that breaks up the routine of the things that you had previously been doing.  You also want to make sure that you have the plan in place ahead of time, otherwise you’re more likely to follow the path (routine) that you’re used to.

3. Look underneath the habit and think about what it is that you are trying to gain by bingeing. Are you actually hungry? Did you not eat enough that day? Are you trying to calm down your body and mind? Are you trying to quell anxiety? The truth of the matter is that most addictive behaviors are used to try to manage anxiety. So think about other ways that you can let go of anxiety in the present. Because eating is a sensory experience, doing things that involve moving your body reduce anxiety and urges to binge. There are a few yoga poses that are easy and release anxiety.

The first is child’s pose which is super calming for both your mind and for your digestion:yoga to stop binge eating











And then there is Viparita Karani (legs up on the wall) as simple as it sounds which good for reducing anxiety, depression and insomnia:

yoga for binge eating





I also recommend checking out 10 Ways To Shut Down at Night without Binge Eating.  Try some of these things out and let me know how you’re doing. If things don’t improve, email me again and we’ll brainstorm.

I hope that this response was helpful for you. Do you have a question about binge eating, bulimia, anorexia, or anything associated with eating? Send an email to bingeeatingtherapy  at gmail dot com. All questions will be kept confidential. Include your first name or the name you want to be referred to as and your location. Are you interested in online therapy or coaching to deal with your eating disorder? Please contact me to discuss getting started. 

Q & A Friday- I’ve Stopped Binge Eating but I Haven’t Lost Weight- Help!

Q & A FridayToday’s question comes to us from Pamela in New Jersey.  This is a super common and difficult question that comes quite often in ED recovery. 

Question –

Hi Leora,

I have an ED therapist and ED nutritionist and I’ve been seeing them for over a year. I’m also in a weekly ED recovery group.

I think I’m doing good with recovery but I’m not losing weight. I think it’s because I’m still eating to take the edge off. Not in a binge sort of way but in a starting point sort of way. I’ve been paying more attention to using the hunger scale recently and that’s improving. Not losing anything since starting a serious recovery program is very discouraging. I’m no small fry, I’m over 300 pounds. I have very low energy and still sleep quite a bit which makes sense considering my body is very large. Everyone in recovery says it’s not about the weight. It’s about healing the behaviors and the weight I suppose will come off eventually. I’ve found a lot of peace but it’s not easy being so large.

When I bring up weight loss to my ED nutritionist she say’s that should be on the back burner for now. However even after all the progress and peace I am discouraged and down mood wise. My poor body has endured much with the BED. I’m getting up there in years now (55yo) and it’s not getting easier carrying the extra weight. I understand the goal isn’t to “lose” weight but to find more normalized behaviors around food and resolve the need for emotional eating.

But i am tired, I am feeling low and today I’m discouraged. I’ve done a good job not making about the weight over almost the past two years and weight wise I’ve let go of 10 pounds or so. When do I let it go of the big excess weight. I know you cant tell me but there must be a way to combine releasing extra weight with recovery even if it is some form of a “diet”. There has got to be a way to gain physical health and normalized eating together. I have no illusion of being super small, I think I have a very real thought of what my body is comfortable size/weight wise. But when I bring it up I am told that losing weight cant be the focus. But that doesn’t change that it’s just to hard and humiliating carrying this extra 150 pounds. Yes Humiliating at times when I cant sit at a table at a restaurant for example, or cant sit on someone’s couch bc it wont hold me. I’m in pain emotionally and physically over this weight issue and I need someone with some direction other than put it on the back burner.

I’m asking you bc whenever I read what you have to say you make sense.

Any thoughts? Thank you Leora,


Your question is such a good one.  As long as I have been working in Eating Disorder Recovery, this conundrum has come up on an almost daily basis. People either start to gain weight in their recovery and it’s very upsetting for them, or they find that they have been not bingeing, not purging, no restricting, and not dieting — but they have not lost any weight. They then become extremely discouraged and also very angry.

The anger is usually directed at recovery or at their recovery team. They wonder why they’ve wasted all this time not on a diet when they could have been on a diet and lost weight rather than what they’re doing right now. 

My friend Sheira, who is a well known eating disorder therapist often says, “when you focus on weight loss, you make a pact with the devil.”  As an Eating Disorder Therapist, when you promise anyone that you will help them lose weight or you focus on weight loss with them, you begin corroborating with the societal message that got them into their Eating Disorder to begin with.  The very first thing we need to do with someone who is recovering from an eating disorder is to help them take their focus off of food and weight and the scale and diets and weight loss and help them to refocus on their mental and physical health.  Dieting and the pursuit of weight loss does not equal health. The problem is that we have been told that it does– not only does weight loss equal health, it also equals beauty and it equals our worth in the world. I remember an interview many, many years back with Duff (she was one of the first MTV Vee-Jays). She was a model and model thin– and then she became ill. While going through multiple chemotherapy treatments she became really skinny, sick skinny– and people started complimenting her on her weight loss and saying things like, “whatever you’re doing- keep it up! You look great!” She was appalled. She was already super thin and then she was sick. Skinny culture is not about health.  This is why we don’t focus on weight loss in ED recovery. We focus on health. And sometimes health means weight gain while focusing on mental health recovery. 

This is a super common argument that occurs when the Eating Disorder Community gets into a room with the Obesity Awareness community. When we go to Eating Disorders conferences, there are always inevitably lots of folks from the Obesity recovery community. The obesity researchers look at weight loss while the ED recovery community feels that the goal of weight loss most often ends in an eating disorder for the ED population, so treat the eating disorder and weight will come to its natural place. The belief is that concentrating on weight loss will bring you back to a place of obsessing on the scale,  feeling like a failure and then reverting to eating disorder ways. In ED recovery, we want to treat your brain first and help you to find a place of peace. We believe that your healthy body will come concurrently with a healthy mind. 

This argument however does not really fly when people feel that their weight is negatively impacting their lives. People tend to interject society’s negative connotations of their weight with their own feelings about how wrong they are and feel in the world. The answer is to address the problem that you’re dealing with, not the weight. For instance– pre-diabetes. The recommendations for reversing  pre-diabetes includes eating healthy food and exercising 30 minutes a day.  Exercise does not have to be pejorative or punishing or painful. It can be a walk with your kiddos around the neighborhood, it can be swimming, it can be a yoga video, it can be jumping on a trampoline. Pre-diabetes is having an elevated blood glucose level and can be helped by exercise because when you utilize your muscles they will pull glucose out of your blood for energy and stamina.  And healthy eating doesn’t have to be a diet determined by someone outside of you. Healthy eating includes eating lots of whole unprocessed foods when you’re hungry and stopping when you’re body is satisfied and allowing yourself to eat foods for enjoyment (like ice cream!) in a non-bingeing and loving way.

Having no energy is something that you can work on as well.  People of all shapes and sizes (especially women) feel that they have no energy. Ways to increase your energy again include getting 7-9 hours of sleep each night, exercising and eating for both health and enjoyment.   If you are able to eat when you are hungry, stop when you are satisfied and incorporate loving, healthy movement into your daily routine– your body WILL come to its healthy weight without you focusing on weight loss as the goal. Try to shift your focus instead on personal health and inner peace. 

According to Deb Burgard of The Association for Size Diversity and Health,  (The Health at Every Size movement) “…advocates eating in a manner that balances individual nutritional needs with hunger, satiety, appetite, and pleasure. We also enthusiastically support individually appropriate, enjoyable, life enhancing physical activity rather than exercise for the purpose of weight loss. A “normal weight” is the weight at which a person’s body settles as s/he moves towards a more fulfilling, meaningful lifestyle that includes being physically active and consuming nutritious foods. Not all people are currently at their most “healthy weight.” Movement towards a more balanced life will facilitate the achievement of a “healthy weight.” “

When my clients ask about weight loss, we try to look and see what they think weight loss will offer them. Often answers vary from things like: Losing weight will give me:  more friends, more confidence, more energy, more love, the ability to go out and do things that I’ve been missing, I can wear whatever I want… The truth is, you can reverse engineer this. Don’t think about losing weight as the antidote to the issues. When you look to treat each issue individually, you wind up finding the benefits that you think weight loss will give you. Chasing the almighty number on the scale– for someone who has been in that rat race for a number of years, will only keep them in it.  Chase true health instead. 

What do you think? Does it makes sense? 

For further reading on the topic,  go to: 

National Eating Disorder Association Thoughts on The Health at Every Size Approach 

Health at Every Size Approach 

Health at Every Size Book 


I hope that this response was helpful for you. Do you have a question about binge eating, bulimia, anorexia, or anything associated with eating? Send an email to bingeeatingtherapy  at gmail dot com. All questions will be kept confidential. Include your first name or the name you want to be referred to as and your location. Are you interested in online therapy or coaching to deal with your eating disorder? Please contact me to discuss getting started. 

Q & A Friday- Why Can’t I Get Back on My Diet?

You didn't fail at dietingYay! We’re back to Q & A Fridays.  I’ve got a huge backlog of them – so if you send me a question, please don’t worry- I will get to it! If you don’t hear from me, it’s okay to send me a reminder. 

This one comes from Jessica in New York.

Dear Leora,

Thank you for the great blog and newsletters. I really appreciate them. I am struggling really badly right now. I have been overweight my whole life- on my 25th birthday, I woke up and the scale said 300 pounds. I couldn’t believe it. I was so scared that I would wind up on one of those TLC shows about someone needing a forklift to get them out of bed. It was at that moment that I decided to lose weight. I implemented a strict zero carb diet and started walking 10,000 steps a day. In six months I lost 150 pounds. It was amazing. For the first time I could wear normal sizes and didn’t have to shop in plus size stores or the plus sized section. It was amazing to walk into a store and buy regular sized clothes. I felt like my life was finally starting. Only not- because I was always anxious and I was afraid that I was going to gain the weight back and I was afraid of food and so I started eating less and less and less. I lost my period and despite that, I couldn’t lose anymore weight. I just stayed at 150 pounds. I got to the point where I was eating like just 2 hard boiled eggs and a container of cottage cheese each day- and I still couldn’t lose weight. I became really anxious and depressed. Some days, even if I’d eaten barely anything the day before, the scale would even go up like 5 pounds. And then… the bingeing started. One day I just lost it, I ate a piece of cake at my niece’s birthday party and then I was done for. I started in on the cheetos, the coca cola, the chips, the candy… then I went home and bought a pint of Phishfood and ate the whole thing. And it didn’t stop from there. The next 10 days, I couldn’t stop bingeing.  I finally got back to my diet- and I can maybe go now like a day, or sometimes not even. I just cannot, whatever I do, stick to the no carb thing. I feel like I’m elbow deep in oreos without even knowing it. Can you help me? I’m so scared and I feel so out of control. I’ve already gained back 20 pounds and I am afraid that I’ll binge myself up to 500 pounds.  Why can’t I get back on my diet? Please help me, I’m desperate.



I’m so glad you wrote. I have seen your exact situation so many times. I know how difficult it is. You feel like a failure, you feel like you failed yourself and you feel like there is something wrong with you because you cannot get back onto your diet. Because your diet was so successful the first time, you are trying desperately to get back on, but you can’t. This is what happens to many people who severely restrict their food for a long period of time- they wind up on a life-long quest to get back to that  way that they were- back to that severe restriction phase and beat themselves up when they cannot make it. They then begin bingeing like crazy. This is your body’s way of telling you “NO STOP DON’T DO THAT TO ME AGAIN!” And the fact that you couldn’t lose anymore weight after you got to a certain point, no matter how hard you tried tells me that you probably hit your body’s healthy weight so your body did what it had to do to maintain the homeostasis.  THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT! You did not fail!  

But not to worry, you can still maintain whatever your healthy body weight is without going back on your restrictive diet. 

This is my advice to you. Stop trying to get back onto that zero carb diet. Feed your body big healthy meals at least 3 times a day. Include all three macronutrients, fat, protein AND carbohydrates. If you are uncomfortable with simple carbs like bread – that’s fine, but do nurture yourself with complex carbohydrates like yams, legumes, fruits and vegetables. I also highly recommend seeing an acupuncturist to help heal the damage that the no carb diet has done to your reproductive system and to restart your periods. You can also check in with your OB. It’s important that you pull yourself out of this binge/restrict cycle now and create balance for yourself and your eating.  When you are feeding yourself 3 big healthy meals per day with the 3 macronutrients included in each, you will see your urges to binge greatly diminished. If you need help- please do see a registered dietician or nutritionist who specializes in treating Eating Disorders to help you figure out your food and get you the nutrition that your body so desperately need right now after so many month of not giving it what it needs.

I hope this answers your question and that you are able to feel better soon.



Do you have a question about binge eating, bulimia, anorexia, or anything associated with eating? Send an email to bingeeatingtherapy  at gmail dot com. All questions will be kept confidential. Include your first name or the name you want to be referred to as and your location. Are you interested in online therapy or coaching to deal with your eating disorder? Please contact me to discuss getting started. 

How Do I Tell My Husband about My Eating Disorder?

How to tell my husband about my eating disorder

This one comes from a reader in Australia…


I’m in a bind. How do I tell my husband about my eating disorder?

I want to tell my husband about my eating disorder but I’m so stressed out because I really don’t know how to tell my husband about my eating disorder.   I know things have to change. I don’t know how to have this conversation, how to start it or where to get help. I’ve had this since I was 17 and i’m 29 now I really don’t want to go on like this.

Answer: I’m so sorry that you’re dealing with this, but I want to commend you on putting it out there and dedicating yourself to recovery. It’s extremely difficult to tell your husband about your eating disorder for so many reasons.

  1. You might feel embarrassed and ashamed and not want him to see you in a new light
  2. You might feel that if you tell him about your eating disorder that he might try to stop you
  3. Your eating disorder is so private and such a precious thing (even though we hate having them) disclosure would be exposing and difficult. 
  4. You might be afraid of his reaction since you don’t know how he’s going to react. 

Here are some ideas on how to tell your husband about your eating disorder. 

  1. Consider the worst case scenario. How will he react? What is the worst thing he will do? Will he leave you? Will he divorce you? In most situations, probably not, but really sit and think about what the worst thing can be. 
  2. After thinking about this, consider bringing your husband with you into your therapist (if you have one) or if not, check out ED referral and see if you can find an eating disorder therapist to bring your partner to. It might be easier if you have a professional there.  If you are not interesting in discussing it with a therapist, no problem at all. You can do this alone. 
  3. Set aside a day and time to tell him. Make sure that it’s not over a meal and make sure that it’s not at night. Your husband will likely have many questions and will spend a long time asking you. 
  4. Make sure that he knows that it’s not his fault and make sure that he knows that you are looking for help.
  5. Make sure that he knows that you don’t expect him to be the one to cure you. 
  6. Sit down with him or take a walk with him and gently explain that you’ve been dealing with this for a long time and you’re ready to reach out for support. You can say something like, “When I was 17 years old I started to make myself vomit after I ate. This habit sort of spun out of control.  I have spent the past 12 years dealing with this horrible secret and trying to stop on my own. I haven’t told you because I’m so embarrassed and so ashamed, but I don’t want to have secrets from you, and I don’t want to live like this anymore. I want treatment and I want to stop. And all I need from you is love and support. I know that I can beat this now that it’s out in the open and I’m asking for help.”
  7. Tell him that your eating issues have nothing to do with him. 
  8. Tell him that you don’t need him to “fix” you.
  9. Tell him not to tell you what to eat or what not to eat, that’s your responsibility, and it’s not good for your relationship. 
  10. Tell him what he can do to support you. Maybe that’s talking about feelings more often or helping you find a therapist or treatment program or driving you to treatment.
  11. Ask him not to talk about diets, calories, burning calories, losing weight, or what your body looks like.
  12. If there are some foods that you don’t want him to have in the house,  ask him to support you in that way
  13. Request that if he catches you in a binge, it’s not his responsibility to make you stop doing it, nor should he take food away from you, nor should he shame you. Instead, maybe he can say something like, “hey, is everything okay? do you want to talk? I’m here for you.”
  14. Ask him not to be your food police.
  15. Give him space to talk about his feelings and what it’s like for him to learn this about you.
  16. Give him the opportunity to ask you questions. If you feel uncomfortable with certain questions, let him know that you’re not ready to answer them yet or that you don’t know the answer right now,  but as you work through recovery, you will let him know what emerges for you.
  17. Ask him to READ THIS and to READ THIS