No. You won’t. You really, really won’t. You can heal and be free. Seriously.
When people first come into recovery or first contact me, they often say, “I know this is something I’ll have to deal with for the rest of my life…” but it’s not necessarily true. You can be at the point where you stop thinking about it, stop battling, and disengage with the fight. You know what I mean by the fight. The place where you are sitting there and fighting with the urge and analyzing every thought, every instinct and every hunger signal. Yes. We do all of this when we begin to recover, but eventually, you can walk away and you will be safe. It won’t sneak back up on you. You no longer have to be hypervigilant.
You won’t always be grappling with this. You will eventually find peace with food.
I know that sometimes it feels like you will always be engaged with this battle with food and your eating disorder, but in truth, when you win the fight, you will eventually have freedom.
Recovery kind of sneaks up on you. If you’ve ever been a smoker, you probably remember how hard it was to quit, but now, ultimately you find that you rarely have cravings, and even if you do, they are not enough to go out and buy a pack of cigarettes. It’s the same thing with binge eating. Even if you have the urge, it’s an itch. A passing reminder that maybe you need to give yourself something more. Some sleep, some love, some attention. Maybe you’re anxious, stressed, etc and your mind goes to food. That’s okay, you won’t be fighting tooth and claw to resist. You will just notice with curiosity, possibly annoyance and hopefully compassion.