Good morning everyone. Less than two weeks left of this brutal Winter month. Hopefully you are getting some enjoyment out of the season and staying healthy (I have my Winter cold right now, yuck!) It really is a beautiful time of year with the lights and the excitement and the Vince Guaraldi on the radio and It’s a Wonderful Life on TV and of course time off of work.
On Friday my son’s doctor said to me, “most parents with challenging kids spend more time focusing on their kid’s deficits than on their strengths.”
I thought about it and thought about it and thought about it. And what I realized is that most parents spend more time focusing on their children’s perceived deficits than their strengths in general. Not just for high needs kids.
For instance- here is a scenario:
Shelly was great at science and math but her parents focused on the fact that she wasn’t as tiny as her sister Ruth. So in the summers, rather than going to science and math camp, Ruth had to go to Fat Camp to lose weight. Instead of focusing on what she was good at and really strengthening that part of her, she focused on something that was a “perceived deficit” and it brought her away from focusing on what she loved and what she was good at and brought her into spending all her time and fruitless efforts on dieting. She would have been happy if she’s been submerged into math and science but instead she was submerged into dieting. If they’d really spent time developing her strength instead of her “perceived weakness,” she could have been an astrophysicist. But Shelly has a severe eating disorder now, she is in a very high weight body and she’s very depressed. She works as a book-keeper and she’s great at it. But I think that her parents steered her wrong in an effort to make her happy. She would have been happier if they’d focused instead on what actually made her happy. Her body was just meant to be bigger than her sister’s body- without all the dieting, she’d probably just be in a body that is at a healthy and comfortable weight for her and enjoying her life.
What do you think?
Is there a way that your parents focused on your weaknesses instead of your strengths?
Are you still doing it to yourself now? If so, how? And how can you change that behavior right this moment? How can you reparent yourself to focus on your strengths instead of your perceived weaknesses.
“OMG i think i just git a ah ha…moment…or maybe sleep depravation is just making me nuts…lol so it just makes sense to me right now perceive food from a nutritious gain perception instead is a restriction point a view will be key in my recovery…so instead of restricting…what can i “gain” energy and nutrition wise from that food?…”
-From a Member in the 5 Week Program
I love this. She is exactly right. We have to think of what we can gain rather than what we are losing or can or should lose, because focusing on losing is always negative. But when you focus on what you can gain, and what strides you can make going forward and how you can make yourself healthy with yummy, delicious and nutritious food and exercise, then you are focusing on the positive. Don’t think about losing weight, just don’t worry about it, instead, think about gaining wholeness, health and self-love. That’s what will move you forward on the path you want to be on.
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